Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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