So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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