I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I would ride that face into the sunset
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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