Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
