I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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