I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
