I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
