You surviving the open bar?
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What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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