watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
