You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
