11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
