pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
