Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
