she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
