Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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