Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Randomize
