about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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