they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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