Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The air was thick with penises
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
