i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
