I could make wine with my vomit
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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