rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
