well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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