i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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