haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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