I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize