I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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