if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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