is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
