Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I did not marry a roomba.
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