What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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