I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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