I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
