tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
