i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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