I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
