She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We have so much sex to catch up on
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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