She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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