return my video game
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
