i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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