i think i have two assholes
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
