So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
