we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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