You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
now i know why i became what i already was.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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