Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize