white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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