Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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