i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
