My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize