Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
