My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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