ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
MIDGETS
????
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
