ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
