I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
