I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
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