My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
