Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I will be naked everywhere
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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