Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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