Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
sarcasm needs its own font
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
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