I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
