I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
