I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
