Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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