I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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