She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize