So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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