I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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