i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
