I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
